Today, we are going to address an important subject: narcissists’ code words and terms for gaslighting and manipulating you. If you’re finding yourself being subjected to these, you may have a narcissist on your hands. These are typical methods they use to deflect, confuse, and manipulate. Let’s look at 10 of these red-flag statements so that you can learn to recognize them and defend yourself.
1. “You’re Crazy”
When you confront a narcissist about their behavior, their go-to response is often, “You’re crazy.” This is a classic gaslighting tactic designed to make you question your mental state and doubt your reality. Instead of addressing the issue, they deflect blame onto you, avoiding accountability. If someone calls you crazy for raising a valid concern, that’s a major red flag.
2. “I Didn’t Say That”
Another favorite phrase is, “I didn’t say that,” or variations like, “It didn’t happen like that,” or “I don’t remember.” This is more gaslighting to make you second-guess what you heard or saw. Narcissists use this to distort reality and confuse you, so you’re left wondering if you’re imagining things. Stay focused and trust your memory.
3. “You’re Too Sensitive”
Narcissists love to call you “too sensitive” when you react to their hurtful comments or behavior. They’ll say, “I can’t say anything to you because you’re so sensitive.” This is another gaslighting move to make you feel like you’re overreacting, when in reality, they’re dismissing your valid feelings. Don’t let them invalidate you.
4. “I Don’t Do Drama”
Ironically, narcissists often claim, “I don’t do drama,” when they’re the ones creating it. If someone says this early on, they’re likely projecting their chaotic tendencies. They might also accuse you of “loving drama” to shift the blame. This is a telltale sign they’re talking about themselves. Narcissists thrive on drama.
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5. “I Was Only Kidding”
When a narcissist makes a sarcastic or backhanded comment and you call them out, they’ll say, “I was only kidding” or “I was just joking.” This is their way of masking a deliberate slight as humor. Don’t fall for it, they intended to put you down, not to make you laugh. A real joke doesn’t leave you feeling hurt.
6. “You Love to Fight”
If you try to express your feelings or hold a narcissist accountable, they might accuse you of “loving to fight” or say, “Here we go again.” This twists your legitimate concerns into an attack, making it seem like you’re the problem. In reality, you’re just trying to communicate, and they’re deflecting to avoid responsibility.
7. “You’re So Negative”
Narcissists, especially covert ones, often label you as “negative” when you speak the truth or call out their behavior. They’ll say, “You’re so negative,” to dismiss your feelings and make you feel like you’re the issue. This is another way to silence you and avoid accountability. Your feelings are valid, don’t let them tell you otherwise.
8. “I’m Not Like Other People”
Early in a relationship, narcissists might say, “I’m not like these other guys/girls,” to make you think they’re special or your soulmate. This is a manipulation tactic to gain your trust and make you believe they’re different. Spoiler alert: they’re not. If you hear this, run; it’s a sign they’re running a game on you.
9. “You Have Mental Issues”
Narcissists love to play the mental health card, saying things like, “You need therapy,” or “You must be bipolar.” This is a vicious form of gaslighting to make you doubt your sanity and shift focus from their behavior. They may even spread this narrative to others to ruin your reputation. Don’t fall for it, you’re not the one with the problem.
10. “You’re Cheating on Me”
Without any evidence, narcissists might accuse you of cheating, saying things like, “I know you’re cheating on me.” This is projection, they’re often the ones being unfaithful or paranoid about losing control. These baseless accusations are meant to justify their behavior and keep you on the defensive.
Bonus Phrases to Watch For
Narcissists also use phrases like “Let’s move on from here” or “Stop bringing up the past” to avoid resolving conflicts. They’ll sweep issues under the rug to escape accountability, leaving problems to fester. Another common one is, “Everything is a problem with you,” which paints you as the source of all issues, even when you’re just seeking fairness.
Protect Yourself from Narcissistic Manipulation
These code words and phrases are tools narcissists use to gaslight, project, and deflect blame. By recognizing them, you can stay grounded in your truth and avoid falling into their mind games. You are not crazy, negative, or the problem narcissists are. Educate yourself on these tactics, trust your instincts, and don’t let them manipulate you.
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