Today, I’m diving into the insidious realm of covert narcissists. These people are conniving, passive-aggressive, and often extremely dangerous. Unlike their overt counterparts, covert narcissists mask their true selves behind charm or portray themselves as perpetual victims. But don’t be deceived, their actions are incredibly wicked. Here are 10 ways covert narcissists wickedly manipulate and hurt people around them.
1. Targeting the Vulnerable
Covert narcissists prey on the weak, vulnerable, disabled, or sick. They despise being around people who show vulnerability because it reminds them of their insecurities. They’ll exploit these individuals for their gain, neglect them, or even abandon them in times of need. For example, if you’re sick, a covert narcissist might leave you to fend for yourself, showing zero empathy. They’ll also victim-shame, picking on children or anyone they perceive as an easy target.
2. Infidelity and Secret Lives
Most covert narcissists are cheaters. They lack morals and thrive on the thrill of deception. Living a secret life behind their partner’s back gives them a twisted sense of power. While not every covert narcissist cheats, the majority do, reveling in the betrayal and the double life they lead.
3. Ruining Special Occasions
Ever notice how a covert narcissist picks a fight on your birthday or during a holiday? That’s no coincidence. These miserable individuals can’t stand seeing others happy. They’ll start an argument over something trivial to ruin the day for everyone. Their jealousy and cowardice drive them to sabotage special moments, ensuring misery loves company.
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4. Flirting to Make You Insecure
Covert narcissists love to flirt in front of you or shower attention on others while ignoring you. This is a deliberate tactic to make you feel insignificant and insecure. In social settings, they might be overly kind to everyone else, dismissing you to feed their ego and fuel your jealousy. It’s all about making you feel small while they bask in the spotlight.
5. Isolating You
Isolation is a covert narcissist’s weapon of choice. They’ll exclude you from events, lunches, or family gatherings without telling you. They thrive on secrecy and the power of leaving you out. This behavior stems from their need to minimize you and prevent you from forming alliances. By isolating you, they maintain control and keep you feeling powerless.
6. Sowing Division
Covert narcissists are not peacemakers, they’re troublemakers. They enjoy watching others fight and will even fan the flames by gossiping or manipulating both sides. For example, they might badmouth you to someone else while simultaneously stirring up drama with another person. They revel in chaos, division, and confusion, as it distracts from their insecurities.
7. Gossiping and Smearing
Nobody gossips more than a covert narcissist who’s jealous of you. They’ll smear your reputation, discredit you, and spread lies behind your back. They might claim you have mental issues or exaggerate your flaws to make themselves look better. This backstabbing behavior is rooted in their secret hatred and envy, often driven by what I call the “spirit of Cain.”
8. Stealing and Gaslighting
Covert narcissists are notorious thieves. Leave them alone in your home, and you might find jewelry, money, or personal items missing. They’ll move things around to mess with your head, then gaslight you when confronted, insisting you’re imagining things. This deliberate tactic is designed to make you doubt your sanity and erode your self-worth.
9. Aligning with Your Enemies
If you have an enemy, a covert narcissist will cozy up to them. They love aligning with people who oppose you to amplify their power and diminish yours. For instance, if you ask them to cut ties with someone you’ve had a falling-out with, they’ll do the opposite, ensuring they stay friendly with your adversary. This betrayal is another way they try to take you down.
10. Blame-Shifting and Devaluing
Covert narcissists never take accountability. They’ll twist facts, project their shame onto you, and blame you for everything. If you call them out, they’ll gaslight you, saying things like, “Well, you never told me to do that!” They also devalue you with sarcastic jabs, then accuse you of being “too sensitive” when you react. This passive-aggressive behavior is meant to chip away at your confidence.
Why They Do This
At their core, covert narcissists are insecure, envious, and miserable. Their actions stem from a deep-seated need to control and destroy those they perceive as threats, especially people who are strong, kind, or successful. They’re masters of passive-aggressive warfare, using subtle tactics to exhaust, isolate, and emotionally deregulate you. From silent treatments to withholding affection, their goal is to leave you feeling empty and powerless.
How to Protect Yourself
You don’t need these toxic people in your life. The moment you spot these behaviors, set boundaries and distance yourself. Don’t beg for their attention or affection, it only gives them more power. Recognize their kindness as manipulation, not genuine care. As I always say, “Not today, Satan!” You deserve respect, love, and peace. Don’t let a covert narcissist steal that from you.
Covert narcissists are wicked because they fight dirty. Their passive-aggressive tactics are designed to hurt you in ways that are hard to pinpoint, making them all the more dangerous. By understanding these 10 devilish behaviors, you can spot them early and protect your mental and emotional well-being.
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