Today, I’m going to talk about 10 things a narcissist will do after they lose you. It really might surprise you because when you break up with a narcissist, it’s not a normal breakup, okay? So, when you finally have had enough with that narcissist, these are the 10 things that are going to happen after the narcissist loses you.
1. They Don’t Mourn Like Others
Number one, they’re not going to mourn you the way a person normally mourns. What a lot of them do after they lose you is go out, get drunk, or have s£x. Why do they do these things? To make themselves feel better. See, narcissists don’t want to feel depressed; they don’t want to have that kind of emotion.
They never want to feel like they got abandoned, and that’s one of the biggest fears of a narcissist: to feel like they abandoned them or that they lost. So, they have to go out and try to make themselves feel better.
2. Seeking Instant Replacement
A lot of times, when the narcissist loses you, they’re immediately going to try to replace those feelings of loss or depression with things that lift them. That’s why, when they lose you, really lose you, they’re going to go running to the new supply’s house. They have to fill in that void they just lost.
A lot of people will say, “Oh, you know, the narcissist will be devastated when they lose you.” It depends on the narcissist and what’s going on in their life. I’m not going to sit here and give you false information to make you feel good; I’m going to provide you with the truth.
3. They Already Have Someone Else
The truth is, a lot of narcissists, by the time they lose you, already have someone else in place. They do that on purpose because they noticed, even before you walked away, that the relationship was breaking down. They made sure they had someone in place for when it broke down, and you walked away, so they wouldn’t feel that hurt or pain. By the time you walk away, they have already devalued you; they’ve already found things they don’t like about you because narcissists always find things they don’t like about people, especially the longer you’re with them.
Read more: 8 Signs You’re in a Narcissistic Relationship
4. Running to the New Supply
What a lot of them will do is run to the new supply, somebody they either had the whole time while they were with you, or lined up toward the end of the relationship. They don’t generally just run out and start looking to find somebody new; they already have that person in place. That’s why people say, “Oh, how did they jump into a new relationship so quickly?” They didn’t, okay? They had that person while they were with you. I hate to tell you, but most of the time, that’s the case.
5. Addictions and Revenge
If they feel they’re losing something valuable, like a grade-A supply, maybe you offered something they can’t get somewhere else, they’re going to be upset in the sense that they’ll want to make themselves feel better. They may turn to their addictions, start drinking, go out and have plenty of s£x, or sleep with a lot of people to get back at you. This is how narcissists get revenge. They love to go out and sleep with a lot of people. If you fight with a narcissist, a lot of them will go out and cheat on you, even if you’re still in the relationship. That’s their way of getting back at you.
I remember when I was with a malignant narcissist, he said to me, “If I wanted to get back at you, all I have to do is cheat on you.” So, right then and there, I knew that’s what he did. You see how narcissists tell on themselves?
After the narcissist loses you, they’re going to be into their addictions, drinking, drugging, smoking, running around, and being promiscuous. They’ll not only be with the other supply, but they’ll also be looking for a backup to that supply. They always have to have a backup for whatever supplies they’re with.
6. They Never Fully Let Go
The next thing a narcissist will do is this: it’s never really over with a narcissist. They don’t like to just let go of something. What they’re going to do is give it time. Narcissists wait, get busy with other supplies, and occupy themselves. They could wait weeks, months, or even years. Just because you haven’t heard from the narcissist in a couple of months doesn’t mean they’re not going to come back. Ninety percent of them will come back, you guys.
Most do come back, not everybody, but most do. It depends on what’s going on in that narcissist’s life. If they’re busy with a lot of supply, you’re not going to hear from them right away. But if they don’t have a lot of supply or things go awry with the supply they have, you’re going to hear from them sooner rather than later.
7. The Hoovering Tactic
The reason they wait is that they want you to cool down; they want you to miss them. That’s why they come back and never bring up the argument, acting like nothing ever happened. They feel they don’t have to take accountability for anything they did in the breakup, hoping that you miss them and they can weasel their way back into your life.
They’ll hover you with lines like, “How you been?” or “Happy birthday.” They come around on birthdays or holidays as a way to break the silence and get you talking again. Once they know they have you talking, they can try to weasel their way back in to get the supply they lost. The better the supply you are to the narcissist, the more they’re going to keep coming back.
8. Always Seeking New Victims
They will look to find another victim if they don’t have one already, though 99% of the time, they do. By the time you break up with them, a lot of them may not care at that time. They’re not automatically devastated, left alone, or sitting at home crying. No, that’s not the narcissist.
They’re going to be out at the new supply’s house, or the new supply will be at their house. They might be bar-hopping, partying, or going wild, finding supplies all over the place. Narcissists go wild, okay? Like “Girls Gone Wild,” narcissists go wild.
9. Playing the Victim
Another thing that will happen is that they will become the victim. They will tell everybody that they tried with you, that you were controlling, or that you were a cheater when they were the cheater. They will project all the shame onto you and make you out to be crazy, saying you have mental issues or need to work on yourself.
They do this because they’re worried about what everybody thinks. They don’t want to look like they did anything wrong; it’s always your fault. They may post on social media things like, “Some people don’t appreciate a good man” or “Some people don’t appreciate a good woman” to make themselves look like the victim.
10. Smearing and Blaming You
They will say you were cheating, that you have mental issues, or that you were controlling and insecure. They’ll even call you a narcissist. Now that “narcissist” is the buzzword of the day, they’ll use it, telling everybody you’re the narcissist when, in fact, they are the ones running the game, lacking empathy, and engaging in mind games, blame-shifting, gaslighting, and triangulation. They do this to discredit you, so nobody believes you if you expose them for the toxic individual they are.
The Emotional Impact on You
When a narcissist loses you, they’re not going to mourn you the way you might mourn a normal breakup. You’re the one who’s going to be depressed, hurting for months, unless you really understand narcissism and what went down. The coldness of the narcissist, how they drop you or don’t care when you walk away, hurts because you thought they cared, that they loved you.
It’s hard to break that cognitive dissonance, realizing they weren’t who you thought they were. They built a fantasy in your head, gave you a high off that fantasy, and then took it all away, leaving you in withdrawal, like a drug addiction.
Understanding the Narcissist’s Illusion
A lot of people don’t understand life. Life is not a fantasy or a romance novel, but narcissists paint a perfect picture to fool you. Victims often say, “They were too good to be true.” That’s your red flag, nobody’s that good.
All human beings have flaws. A healthy, long-term relationship is like being best friends, not filled with lust or living in a fantasy like the narcissist creates. They future-fake, build up that dream, and then burst the bubble, which is why you have to vet people carefully to avoid getting entrapped.
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