10 Weird Ways Narcissists Devalue You

Today, we’re going in-depth about a subject that resonates with so many of you: how a narcissist quietly and quietly erodes you. Occasionally, you don’t even know it’s happening until after the damage is done. Narcissists, particularly covert narcissists, are masters of manipulation through passive-aggressive ways to slowly erode your self-esteem. I’m dissecting 10 of how they do this, possibly more, because there is much to cover. Let’s dive in!

1. Ignoring and Dismissing You

One of the most common tactics is ignoring you. Covert narcissists do this to make you feel insignificant. They dismiss your presence, your texts, your calls, or even turn their back on you in front of others. This isn’t just rudeness, it’s a deliberate act to devalue you, signaling that you’re not worth their time or attention.

2. The Silent Treatment

The silent treatment is a classic move. It’s not just about them refusing to talk; it’s emotional abuse designed to punish you, make you feel small, and push you to beg for their attention. By stonewalling, they’re saying you’re beneath them, unworthy of engagement. It’s a power play to break you down and ensure you never challenge them again.

3. Refusing Closure or Validation

Narcissists avoid resolving conflicts or giving closure because doing so would validate their feelings. Sitting down to hear your perspective? That’s too much for them. Instead, they dismiss or ignore you, reinforcing that your thoughts and emotions don’t matter. This lack of validation is a core way they devalue you.

4. Backhanded Compliments and Appearance-Based Digs

Ever hear a comment like, “That dress is nice, but it’s a bit snug”? That’s a covert narcissist’s specialty: backhanded compliments. They target your appearance, your clothes, hair, or hygiene with subtle digs to plant insecurity. If you call them out, they’ll gaslight you, saying, “You’re too sensitive!” It’s all designed to make you question your worth.

5. Labeling You as Emotional or Angry

Narcissists love to slap labels on you, especially if you show emotion. Cry? You’re weak. Get upset? You’re angry or love to fight. They twist your valid reactions into flaws, making you feel defective for having feelings. Meanwhile, their outbursts are justified double standards at their finest. This labeling is a tactic to devalue your emotional legitimacy.

6. Sarcasm and Passive-Aggressive Remarks

Sarcasm is a covert narcissist’s weapon of choice. They’ll mock your emotions, job, or choices with snide remarks like, “Oh, you’re so sensitive,” or “Go take your medicine.” These comments aren’t random, they’re calculated to imply something’s wrong with you, eroding your confidence while they play innocent.

7. Triangulation and Ganging Up

Narcissists often use triangulation to devalue you, bringing in third parties to bolster their attacks. They might say, “Nobody likes you,” or “Even your family thinks you’re crazy.” By creating a sense of “everyone against you,” they isolate you and make you feel like the problem. This gang-up tactic is about power, not truth.

8. Projecting Their Insecurities

Projection is a narcissist’s go-to. They’ll accuse you of being jealous, insecure, or having negative qualities that they often embody themselves. If you mention someone who upset you, they won’t empathize; they’ll say, “You’re just jealous!” This flips the script, devaluing your valid concerns and making you doubt yourself.

9. Using Age or Status to Shame You

Narcissists love to weaponize age. Too young? You’re naive. Too old? You’re undesirable. They’ll say things like, “Nobody wants you at your age,” or “You’re too young to understand.” This tactic preys on sensitive topics to make you feel inferior, regardless of your age or circumstances. On dating apps, their hyperfocus on age is a red flag of narcissistic behavior.

Finally, narcissists devalue you by attacking your status or social connections. They’ll call you a loser, say you have no friends, or mock your lack of popularity. Ironically, they often lack genuine relationships themselves, relying on shallow acquaintances. By focusing on your perceived flaws, they deflect from their insecurities.