Today, we’re exploring a subject close to all your hearts: why empaths appear to be magnets for narcissists. If you’re an empath with a huge heart, you must be wondering why you always seem to draw these poisonous individuals into your life. Well, I’m dissecting it with five important reasons narcissists are attracted to empaths like moths to fire.
1. Empaths Are Easy to Manipulate
Narcissists are skilled at identifying and exploiting vulnerabilities. Empaths, known for their big hearts and tendency to see the good in others, are prime targets. Narcissists study empaths, learning how to pull at their heartstrings with sob stories, tales of childhood abuse, lack of love, or traumatic upbringings.
These stories resonate deeply with empaths, who feel the narcissist’s pain and want to help. Unlike another narcissist, who might dismiss such stories with indifference, an empath’s empathy makes them susceptible to manipulation. This dynamic allows narcissists to gain control by playing on the empath’s compassion.
2. Empaths Give Multiple Chances
Empaths are forgiving by nature, often giving narcissists chance after chance. When a narcissist crosses boundaries, lies, or ghosts, an empath might excuse the behavior, thinking, “They’re going through a rough time” or “I’ll give them another chance because of their past.” This willingness to forgive stems from the empath’s desire to help and heal.
Narcissists exploit this, knowing they can get away with toxic behavior because empaths are reluctant to cut them off immediately. However, this patience has limits, and when an empath finally walks away, it often catches the narcissist off guard.
3. Empaths Offer the Benefit of the Doubt
Empaths tend to see the best in people, even when faced with red flags. They may rationalize a narcissist’s toxic actions, thinking, “Maybe I can change them” or “They didn’t mean to hurt me.” This tendency to give the benefit of the doubt makes empaths vulnerable to narcissists, who take advantage of their trust.
Narcissists rely on empaths’ hopefulness, using it to maintain control while continuing their manipulative behaviors unnoticed for longer.
4. Narcissists Perceive Empaths as Naive
Narcissists often assume that an empath’s kindness equates to naivety. They believe empaths are “stupid” or unaware of the manipulative “game” being played. The nicer an empath is, the less respect a narcissist has for them, mistaking their compassion for weakness. However, this perception is flawed.
Many empaths are aware of the manipulation but choose to give chances due to their good nature. When empaths finally recognize the narcissist’s true intentions, they can decisively walk away, leaving the narcissist stunned.
5. Empaths Are Prone to Self-Reflection and Blame
Narcissists are adept at blame-shifting, avoiding accountability by pointing fingers at others. Empaths, who naturally self-reflect, are perfect targets for this tactic. When a narcissist gaslights or manipulates, empaths may question themselves, wondering, “Did I do something wrong?” or “Am I the problem?”
This self-doubt allows narcissists to evade responsibility while keeping the empath entangled. Empaths’ fairness and willingness to take accountability make them vulnerable to this manipulation, but once they recognize the pattern, they can break free.
Why Narcissists Target Empaths
Narcissists prefer empaths over other narcissists because another narcissist would see through their tactics. Empaths, with their unguarded hearts and desire to connect, are less suspicious and more likely to believe the narcissist’s lies initially.
Narcissists may also target empaths for their “supply,” whether it’s emotional support, a stable home, or attention. By playing the victim or showering empaths with flattery, narcissists secure their trust and create a trauma bond, making it hard for empaths to let go of the good feelings from the relationship’s early days.
The Empath’s Strength
Despite their vulnerability, empaths are not weak. Many, including super empaths like myself, are incredibly resilient. I’ve dedicated my life to caring for my disabled children, a choice driven by my empathy. However, empaths can reach a breaking point. When they’ve had enough after repeated lies, gaslighting, or disrespect, they can turn cold and walk away for good.
Narcissists underestimate this strength, assuming empaths will always return. But once an empath sees the narcissist for who they truly are, it’s game over. They educate themselves, heal, and emerge stronger, recognizing that the problem was the narcissist’s toxicity, not their own.
Breaking Free
Empaths attract narcissists because of their kind hearts, willingness to give chances, and tendency to see the good in others. However, by learning to spot gaslighting and manipulation, empaths can protect themselves.
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