Narcissistic individuals often lie because it’s second nature to them; it’s who they are as a person. Some of them believe their lies, and many don’t see anything wrong with their deception. If you catch them in a lie, they may believe you’ve turned against them. Narcissists are masters of deception. Their lies serve to control, manipulate, or protect their image. There are many different lies that narcissistic individuals tell.
The Blame-Shifting Lie: “It’s All Your Fault”
One of the biggest lies a narcissist tells is when they do something wrong and claim it’s all your fault. This is a classic tactic to shift blame, no matter the situation. For example, if a narcissistic individual is caught cheating, they might say, “If you had paid me more attention, this wouldn’t have happened,” or “It’s not my fault they wouldn’t leave me alone.”
When something makes them look bad, it’s never their fault; it’s always someone else’s problem. They might forget something and say, “It’s not my fault; you forgot to remind me.” They twist the narrative to make themselves the victim and you the issue. By doing this, narcissists avoid accountability and may even make you feel guilty for their mistakes. As a result, you might find yourself trying to make it up to them for the things they’ve done to you.
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The Victim Card: “I’m the One Being Hurt”
Narcissists often play the victim to manipulate situations. They may hurt you, but the moment you stand your ground, they claim to be the victim. They twist situations to paint themselves as the one who are suffering. For example, they might provoke a reaction from you and then accuse you of being the “crazy one,” saying, “Look what I have to put up with!”
They bait you into situations, hurt you, and then accuse you of always attacking them. Narcissists may also use weaponized incompetence, deliberately doing something poorly, and then saying, “See, I can’t do anything right for you, can I?” These lies are designed to gain sympathetic attention and deflect focus from their behavior.
The Gaslighting Lie: “I Never Said That”
Gaslighting is one of the narcissist’s most favored tools. They’ll deny ever saying or doing something, even if you have evidence to back it up. They’re not interested in the truth; they believe you’re out to get them and may go all out to punish you. For example, you might remind them of a promise they made, but they’ll claim, “I never said that,” or “You’re making it up; you’re imagining things.”
Narcissists make false promises to get their needs met in the present, only to deny those promises later. This tactic makes you doubt your memory and question your reality, diverting attention from their questionable behavior.
The False Altruism Lie: “I’m Doing This for Your Own Good”
Narcissists often disguise their selfish actions as selfless acts. For example, they might encourage you to quit your job, claiming they want you to be “less stressed,” when their real motive is to gain financial control over you. They might discourage you from pursuing opportunities, saying they care about your feelings, when in reality, they don’t want you to succeed because it threatens their sense of superiority.
Their true motive is control, but if you point this out, they become offended, saying, “How can you think that of me? I’m only doing this because I care!” This manipulation makes their behavior incredibly confusing, as they appear to care about you while prioritizing their own needs.
The Imaginary Allies Lie: “Everyone Agrees with Me”
Narcissists love to use imaginary allies to validate their opinions and make you feel foolish during an argument. They might say, “Everyone agrees with me,” or bring the “whole world” into the conversation to make you feel unsupported. This tactic is designed to make you think you’re stupid, silence you, and allow them to maintain control.
The False Change Lie: “I’ve Changed”
Narcissists rarely change their behavior; instead, they change the people around them to avoid altering their patterns. When they sense they’re losing control, they might make false promises of change to lure you back in. After a breakup, they may claim they’ve “seen the light” or had an epiphany, promising to do better this time.
This is often a hoovering tactic to suck you back into their cycle of manipulation: love bombing, devaluation, discard, and intermittent reinforcement. Once you take them back, they revert to the person you were trying to escape.
The Dismissive Lie: “You’re Too Sensitive”
This is a gaslighting tactic used to invalidate your feelings. If you express pain over their behavior, such as a hurtful backhanded compliment or sarcastic remark, they’ll downplay it, saying, “You’re taking it the wrong way,” or “It was just a joke; you’re too sensitive.”
Narcissists use verbal aggression to attack you but avoid accountability by accusing you of overreacting. They want you to question your normal emotional responses to their actions, convincing you that your reactions are the problem, not their behavior.
Protecting Yourself from Narcissistic Lies
These lies are tools narcissists use to control, punish, and manipulate. Recognizing them is the first step in protecting yourself. Stay strong, trust your instincts, and remember that other people’s behavior is not your fault. You are only responsible for your actions.
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