Today, I’m diving into a topic that hits hard for many: the signs you might be the backup supply to a narcissist. A lot of people don’t even realize they’re in this position. You might think you’re in an exclusive relationship with a narcissist, but later discover they have other supplies and you could be the one they keep on the sidelines. So, let’s break it down with 10 signs you could be the backup supply. Buckle up, because this is going to be eye-opening!
1. They Ghost You
One of the biggest red flags? They ghost you. When a narcissist disappears without a text or call, it shows a lack of respect. In today’s world, it takes seconds to send a message, so there’s no excuse. Nine times out of ten, they’re ghosting you because they’re with their main supply. They might return days later with excuses like, “I was busy,” “I fell asleep,” or “My Wi-Fi was down.” These are gaslighting tactics to confuse you. If they’re consistently ghosting, you’re likely the backup supply they feel they can ignore.
2. They Refuse to Take Pictures with You
Narcissists avoid taking pictures with their backup supply ever. Why? They’re terrified you’ll post it on social media, and it could reach their main supply or expose their double life. I’ve heard stories where someone asked for a photo, and the narcissist snapped, “Don’t ever ask me again,” or even blocked them. It’s not just about the picture; it’s about keeping you hidden. If they dodge photos like the plague, it’s a sign you’re not their priority.
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3. They Constantly Talk About Their Ex
If they’re always bringing up their ex, whether positively or negatively, it’s a red flag. Narcissists might badmouth their ex to throw you off, saying things like, “They were awful,” while still being involved with them. The constant mention of their ex could mean they’re still hung up on them or even hoovering them. You might be a temporary filler while they work things out with their ex, making you the backup supply.
4. They Block You
Narcissists love the block-unblock game. When they block you, it’s often because they’re with another supply and don’t want interruptions. They might feel confident you’ll stick around, so they block you temporarily, only to unblock later with a casual, “Hey, how are you doing?” as if nothing happened. This isn’t a permanent discard, it’s a tactic to juggle their supplies. If you’re caught in this cycle, you’re likely the backup.
5. They Break Up Over Petty Things
Ever been dumped over something ridiculous, like leaving a coffee cup in the sink? Narcissists use flimsy excuses to break up so they can focus on another supply without guilt. They’ll say, “You need to work on yourself,” to make you feel at fault. In reality, they’re just shifting you to backup status while they pursue someone else. Don’t fall for the gaslighting, it’s not about you.
6. They Devalue You
When a narcissist starts picking on your appearance, weight, or age, they’re devaluing you. The lovebombing stops, and the sarcastic jabs begin. This shift happens because they’ve found another supply and no longer see you as their priority. They might keep you around, but they don’t care about your feelings anymore. If you’re being devalued, you’ve likely moved into the backup supply position.
7. They Compare You to Someone Else
If they start suggesting you change your hair, clothes, or weight to match someone else, they’re likely comparing you to their new supply. Narcissists often have a “type” and might try to mold you into their current obsession. This behavior signals that their attention is elsewhere, and you’re now the backup they’re trying to reshape.
8. They Avoid Phone Calls
Narcissists only love phone calls during the lovebombing phase, keeping you on the line for hours to build trust. Once you’re the backup supply, they dodge calls and stick to texting. Why? They don’t want you to know where they are or who they’re with. If they’re always texting but never picking up, it’s because they’re likely with their main supply.
9. They Make Excuses Not to See You
If they’re always too busy to meet, especially on weekends, you’re probably the backup. Narcissists reserve prime time, like Saturdays, for their main supply. You might get squeezed in for a quick weekday visit or an early Saturday meetup, only for them to rush off with an excuse. If they’re constantly unavailable during peak times, you’re in the rotation, not the spotlight.
10. They’re Cold and Unaffectionate
Finally, if they’re emotionally distant, focused on their phone, or only show up for s£x (or nothing at all), you’re likely the backup supply. They might use you for money, security, or other benefits while their heart (and time) is with someone else. Narcissists live secret lives, and when they check out emotionally, it’s because their priority is elsewhere.
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