Narcissists are experts at misdirection, and one of their favorite tricks is the smear. They will lie or spread half-lies to destroy your reputation, sometimes covertly, when you’re caught off guard. The following are five clear indicators that a narcissist has smeared you, from my experience with these poisonous people.
1. Someone Tells You the Narcissist Is Talking Behind Your Back
One of the most direct signs is when someone comes to you and says, “Hey, that person is talking badly about you.” This happened to me twice with so-called “friends.” I was best friends with a girl in school, thinking we were tight. Then, two people told me she was badmouthing me behind my back. I was shocked because I thought our relationship was solid.
Trust me, when someone tells you this, nine times out of ten, it’s true. That same friend? She also stole a gold watch from me on vacation! I later found out she was wearing it, proving she was not only a smear campaigner but a thief. Narcissists often hide their true selves, and their jealousy or insecurity drives them to betray you.
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2. People Start Looking at You Differently
Have you ever noticed people treating you oddly, avoiding eye contact, or acting distant? That’s a huge red flag. When a narcissist smears you, their circle of mutual friends, family, or colleagues starts seeing you through the narcissist’s distorted lens.
They might believe you’re a “monster” because the narcissist painted you as one. I’ve walked into rooms where people couldn’t look me in the eye, and I knew something was off. If people’s behavior toward you shifts for no apparent reason, it’s likely because a narcissist has been whispering lies about you.
3. You’re Excluded or Isolated
Another proof is when you’re suddenly left out of gatherings, lunches, or family events. Narcissists manipulate others to view you as untrustworthy or problematic, turning you into an outsider.
I’ve experienced this firsthand; friends stopped inviting me to things, and I later learned it was because a narcissist had spread lies about me having “issues.” The narcissist’s goal is to isolate you, ruin your relationships, and make others disrespect you. A smear campaign might be at play if you feel like an outcast.
4. It’s in Their Nature Narcissists Always Smear
If you’re dealing with a narcissist, especially a covert one, smearing is a given. They gossip and betray trust as naturally as breathing. Here’s the kicker: the smearing doesn’t just happen after a falling out. It starts from day one. I learned this the hard way in my marriage.
Early on, when things were supposedly great, I found out my ex and his narcissistic mother-in-law were smearing me and my family. A cousin, the family scapegoat, tipped me off at a party, saying, “They’re always talking about you behind your back.” Narcissists smear out of jealousy or to lift themselves, and they’ll share anything you tell them with others. Never trust a narcissist with your secrets.
5. People Bring Up Things You Only Told the Narcissist
Ever have someone mention something personal you never shared with them? That’s because the narcissist spilled it. For example, a narcissist might shame you privately, saying you’re “codependent” or a bad parent. Then, out of nowhere, someone else brings up that exact criticism. This happened to me when a friend repeated something my narcissistic ex said about me, word for word. It’s proof that the narcissist has been smearing you, using your vulnerabilities to paint you in a negative light.
The Lasting Damage of a Smear Campaign
Smear campaigns can cause permanent damage to your relationships. Even if you maintain ties with friends or family, they may never see you the same way. Narcissists are so convincing using charm, flattery, or playing the victim that people often believe their lies. I once tried to expose a covert narcissist influencer who was a copycat, but his followers turned on me because he made them “feel good.” Naive people fall for the narcissist’s act, and it’s hard to undo the damage.
Narcissists smear to destroy your reputation, isolate you, and make themselves feel better. But here’s the truth: what’s done in the dark always comes to light. Years later, you might discover the narcissist’s lies, theft, or betrayal, just like I did. Stay vigilant, trust your instincts, and don’t let their tactics dim your shine.
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