How Narcissists Remain Hidden in Plain Sight?

Trying to spot a narcissist? It’s kind of like trying to find Where’s Waldo in one of those Highlights magazines. Narcissists, on the outside, look just like any other average person. So, unless we all had Spidey senses or X-ray vision to scan a crowd so you could make like Mike Tyson, swerve, and dodge this evil there’s no way that you’re going to be able to just see them coming.

Hiding in Plain Sight

But that is just the beginning of what leads to narcissists having this ability to continue carrying on, hiding in plain sight. These personas that they use when in the eye of the public or when luring someone in are being presented in a way to get others to see something that is when it isn’t.

It’s not so much in a way of hiding or trying to cover something up, but painting this illusion and shapeshifting into whoever or whatever it is that they need to become. Based on what they have observed and feel would be the best fit for that particular individual to see them as depending on whatever it is that they are after which doesn’t seem at the surface like two drastically different things.

Nonetheless, they aren’t processed quite the same in our brains due to our innate tendencies, and biases, as well as the difference in vibe that gets put off in either situation, in terms of how their behaviors and mannerisms mesh with the words they’re saying.

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And why this works so well for narcissists in particular as opposed to some con artist trying to dupe you into buying something or pull some sheet over your head is because narcissists not only see themselves as this superior, powerful, almighty being but the only being of importance.

This skewed concept of themselves, as well as how they view others, gives them the ability to take these tales that they pull out from underneath their bridges to such an extreme without having a care in the world about what you may feel, from an internal or personal basis, about them if you were to figure them out.

Because they truly believe that they are this delusional person that they elude themselves as and are the only entity of importance what they see or deem to be true, right? Regardless of how much they alter, twist, turn, or distort it in their mind, it’s A-OK and completely justifiable for them to repeat these manipulative tactics for as long as they can remember.

The Predictable Playbook

Regardless of who it is that they’re shapeshifting into, they use the same lines, they ask the same questions. And another key point to remember is that they already have the upper hand. Because if a narcissist has targeted you as a longer-term source of supply and not just some side piece for a one-night stand it is because they have targeted you specifically. And before they confront you, they know enough about you that there is something specific that they have targeted you for.

More often than not, they are likely either a family member, a friend of a friend, or a co-worker, making you already more inclined to have a little bit of trust in them, or their stories more believable, as there’s already some form of connection between you even if it is just the friend of a friend.

Building a False Connection

And because they already know way more about you than you likely do them, they are then able to paint this picture and false idea of themselves based on your beliefs, likes, hobbies, talents, etc., before they even confront you to lure you in. And why this truly gives them such an advantage is that, straight out the gate, they come off as if they’re already in line with your beliefs.

But two, because there is already some form of connection, making it easier for you to feel comfortable with them and your behaviors, actions, and mannerisms to be more in alignment with your true nature and for them to be able to obtain more information from you, creating this booby trap by gathering this information and getting their foot in the door into your personal life.

The Slow Trap

This ties into the third thing that you want to remember: though, yes, once they have already hooked you, they are notorious for moving things right along, fast and furious, with their advancements, going 0 to 60 in no time at all.

However, at the very beginning, it doesn’t come off quite this strong. They don’t just hit you immediately with their Hiroshima version of the love bomb, but rather, just like they’re breaking you down in a subtle but very systemic and methodical fashion.

And what first comes off feeling comfortable and a sense of familiarity that isn’t on the verge of being stalkerish or a complete copycat, but more like someone you have known your whole life, someone you can sit down and just shoot the breeze with as well as often plant the seed, manipulating you in the sense that they’re almost motivating you to want to get closer to them or form some kind of relationship, is by pulling back just ever so slightly or kind of half-ass ghosting you.

Turning Comfort Into Control

And had you already not felt so comfortable or familiar with them, it likely would never have even affected you. But this comfort level is how they can use this to get into your psyche, to trigger or motivate you to want to progress or have more desire to get to know them. But these same things that they found alluring or drew them to you, they will inevitably, in time, grow to become envious, jealous, or hate about you.

They have to be the best, they have to be on top, and they have to be as they perceive themselves in this delusional image because, without it, they are nothing and go about using their insecurities and all this information provided to them as weapons against you: gaslighting, using backhanded compliments, playing them off like some kind of a joke.

Recognizing the Red Flags

And if you find yourself feeling at some point like what you are dealing with or these situations are just so completely unlike anything you have ever dealt with before, or get this impression in your gut even though you quickly second-guess yourself or try to talk yourself out of it in repeated situations and circumstances if you’re questioning, “What is going on here?” or “

How in hell could anybody be so evil, cruel, nasty? There’s just something about them that is unreasonable and nonsensical,” or you just can’t figure it out, then there is a strong chance that what you’re dealing with is a narcissist.

Because though everybody on this here green Earth will, yes, at some point in their lives or maybe even frequently demonstrate some of these characteristics or traits that get discussed when talking about pathological narcissism, there is a huge difference between someone, even with a high level of traits, to that of someone with pathological narcissism or a narcissistic psychopath. They do not even touch a sword to one another.

The Extreme Nature of Narcissists

The biggest thing that separates these individuals and gives them their ability to be able to pull the sheet over others’ eyes and this is vital to remember when you are dealing with someone who has crossed over that line of being a pathological narcissist or narcissistic psychopath, you can take that spectrum and chuck it into the garbage disposal. The spectrum doesn’t matter. Just like you can’t be a little bit pregnant, you can’t be a little bit pathological with these personality disorders you either got it, or you don’t.

The biggest thing is not necessarily looking at the behavior itself, as in a lie, but it’s due to their having a total disregard for others, as well as the difference in how they view others, view themselves, and they’re being ego-syntonic in that they don’t see themselves or the things that they do as being problematic. Then throw in their having no empathy, no object constancy, guilt, remorse, or mercy for you, and what you have now is a lethal concoction of pure evil.

Living in Extremes

But they, too, are devoted and live to uphold this delusional image of themselves playing Betty Homemaker, prancing around over on Fantasy Land, being the most superior person up there on Cloud Nine, and having this binary and black-and-white mentality, a way of thinking has no middle ground or shades of gray. They become people of the extremes, and that right there is going to be your telltale sign, the easiest way to help pick up on these red flags or look at their behaviors, as well as the intention behind them.

Because with narcissists, everything they do is going to be at one end of the extreme or the other: their Hiroshima version of love bombing to their games of psychological pop-pig, using reactive abuse to get you to the point of explosion, their bouts of rage whether using it in forms of drawn-out, torturous silent treatments or going off the deep end and turning into the not-so-incredible Hulk right before your very eyes. Everything they do is going to be at the end of whatever behavior they can do.

The Power Imbalance

You are not going to be equal, to your partner, and not superior to them. And if they think for a second that you are going to cross them or threaten their seat at the throne, they’re going to not just try to eliminate you as a threat, but being extreme, they’re going to go out to destroy you. And they’re not going to give it up until they feel they have annihilated you.

It may not be today, it may not be tomorrow, but they are going to continue to try until they deem the job is done. Because narcissists have no red light, they have no filter. People are ruthless they can do a number on you and make you feel like you truly aren’t enough, make you feel unworthy, and make you feel bat-crazy.

The Breaking Point

But it crosses the line when you are so concerned with appeasing someone else because they have instilled so much fear and driven you to the point of hopelessness and helplessness that you have no other choice but to stop caring about yourself. Nothing good is ever going to come of that. You are worth and deserve so much more.

Escape and Protect Yourself

So, if you have even an inkling that what you could be dealing with is a narcissist, the best thing you can do is to pack your bags and get the hell out of Dodge. Because the longer you stay, the worse it becomes. And getting into hell is a whole lot easier than getting out. Ain’t nobody worth losing your life, soul, or sanity too. So focus on you, not the narcissist.