The scariest thing about narcissistic abuse is that, often, the victim doesn’t even realize they’re being controlled until it’s too late. By then, you might be completely devastated, hurt, or discarded. Alternatively, you might end the relationship, but only after enduring years of manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional abuse. A narcissist, on some level, has taken control of your mind, emotions, and even your reality. The hard pill to swallow is that you unknowingly gave this person control. You gave them power over your emotions, reality, and mind. Of course, you didn’t know you were doing this, but today, we will end all of that.
Understanding the Narcissist
At its core, a narcissist is a person with a deep sense of insecurity and an extreme need for control. They crave validation and admiration because they have a fragile ego that requires these things to survive. Beneath the surface of their calm, confident, and charming exterior lies a person who is extremely insecure and lacks a solid sense of self. This person craves constant reinforcement and control, which leads them to create various tactics to gain control over you. Instead of dealing with their issues like healthy individuals, they create chaos.
They may appear charming, confident, and wonderful at the beginning of a relationship or in front of others, but over time, everything changes. You start to notice patterns that make you question what you’re seeing or feeling. Your intuition never lies, and it’s important to trust it.
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Why Do Narcissists Need Control?
The big question is: why do narcissists need control? It all boils down to their need to protect their ego. To a narcissist, control equates to safety. If they can control your thoughts, emotions, and how you perceive reality, they create a shield around your ego. By keeping everything under their control how situations look, how you feel, and how you think they avoid feeling exposed and vulnerable.
For most people, vulnerability is a part of life. It can be uncomfortable, but it can also lead to healing. For a narcissist, however, vulnerability is terrifying. They don’t want to expose themselves or connect deeply with others. They fear that losing control will make them feel uncomfortable and force them to face truths about themselves.
The Facade of Perfection
Narcissists crave the image of perfection. They want to be seen as the smartest, most successful, most desirable, or having the perfect family. This image is a facade, but if you’re wounded, you might fall into the trap of believing it. Deep down, narcissists don’t believe they’re good enough, and they fear that no one truly cares about them. If you question or challenge them, you’re essentially throwing a stone at their glass house, and they will retaliate with silent treatment, gaslighting, manipulation, or other tactics to maintain control.
Why Do We Fall for It?
The real question is: why do we fall for these tactics? Narcissists are masterful at making you believe that everything they do is in your best interest. They twist situations to make it seem like they’re helping you when, in reality, they’re serving their agenda. Gaslighting is a common tactic they want you to doubt yourself, your reality, and your worth. If they can make you doubt who you are, they can control how you feel about yourself.
Love Bombing and Silent Treatment
Love bombing is a common tactic in narcissistic relationships. In the beginning, the narcissist showers you with affection, attention, and admiration to reel you in. However, this is not real love it’s a tactic to gain control. Real love is steady, slow, and accepting, while fake love is about power and control.
The silent treatment is another tool narcissists use to manipulate you. If you’re codependent, the silent treatment can feel incredibly uncomfortable. Narcissists may also talk endlessly about an issue to wear you down and make you believe you’re the problem. They rarely take accountability for their actions and instead, focus on their flaws.
Moving On and Triangulation
Narcissists often move on quickly from relationships, especially if they have someone else lined up. They need constant attention and admiration, and they’ll often bring a new person into the mix to make you feel less than. This is not about the new person being better than you it’s about punishment and control. They use the new relationship to validate their actions and make you question your worth.
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
Healing from narcissistic abuse is not something that happens overnight. It requires understanding how the narcissist controlled you and working on rebuilding your sense of self. This involves healing emotional wounds from the past, setting goals for the future, and learning how to take care of yourself emotionally. It’s important to recognize that the narcissist’s behavior was not about you it was about their need for control and validation.
Final Thoughts
If you’ve been in a narcissistic relationship, it’s crucial to invest in your emotional health. Healing from codependency, setting boundaries, and learning to parent yourself are key steps in rebuilding your life. Remember, the narcissist’s actions were a reflection of their insecurities, not their worth. By understanding their tactics and focusing on your healing, you can break free from their control and build a healthier, more fulfilling life.
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